'Tis the Season – to Give to Yourself

Kristen Vallely
Nov 25, 2025
3 min read

The holidays are often described as the most wonderful time of the year, but I see how often this season becomes the most stressful time. The relentless pressure to buy the perfect present, be perfectly happy, and squeeze every activity into a packed schedule leaves us depleted and disconnected.

This year, let's redefine "giving." 'Tis the season to give to yourself.

1. Re-Evaluating Your Values, Not Your Obligations

The stress we feel is often a sign of a disconnect between our current activities and our core values. We default to traditional "shoulds" passed down through family or culture (e.g., "I must attend every party").

To give yourself clarity, ask:

What is my core value this year? Is it peace, simplicity, or health?
Which holiday task aligns with that value?
Which task is an obligation I can let go of?

Choosing peace over obligation is a profound gift of self-care.

2. The Evolution of Giving: From Burden to Love Language

We’ve all been there: staring at a mountain of gifts, feeling the financial pinch, and realizing half of it is just stuff. We may have successfully shifted from the overflowing "all the gifts" approach to solutions like Secret Santa or Elfster. That’s great!

But we can go deeper. The ultimate evolution of giving is realizing the greatest gifts are free and focus on what truly fills the emotional tank—the Love Languages.

Instead of focusing on Gift-Giving, focus on the others that foster free bonding and deep connection:

Quality Time: The cozy walk, the movie night, the uninterrupted conversation.
Acts of Service: Offering to do the dishes or run an errand for a stressed partner.
Words of Affirmation: Writing a heartfelt note or sharing sincere appreciation.

This is the true gift of presence over presents.

3. Fighting the Winter Funk (Seasonal Changes)

It’s crucial to acknowledge the physiological toll that seasonal changes take. Reduced daylight and cold weather increase stress and can trigger Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Giving to yourself means actively managing these changes:

Maximize Light: Step outside for at least 15 minutes of daylight.
Prioritize Sleep: Stick to a consistent sleep schedule. A fatigued brain is a more anxious brain.
Gentle Movement: Focus on movement that feels good, like a slow walk or stretching, as movement is a powerful mood regulator.
Self Care as a routine

4. Spreading Joy Through the Year

The biggest stressor is condensing all our giving and socializing into six intense weeks. This is simply not sustainable. What if we viewed the holiday season as a springboard for year-round wellness?

Instead of feeling obligated to see everyone in December, make the gift of time something you spread throughout the year. Schedule a "Christmas in July" dinner with a busy friend, or a "New Year's Brunch" in February. This reduces immediate strain and gives you something to look forward to later.

5. Giving Yourself Permission to "Let Them" Be Disappointed

When we set a boundary, we often brace for the fallout: the sigh, the look of disappointment. This season, give yourself the most revolutionary gift: freedom from the burden of managing other people's emotional reactions.

The "Let Them" Mentality

When you set a reasonable boundary and someone reacts poorly, tell yourself: "I am responsible for my actions (setting the boundary), not their feelings (their disappointment)." They are allowed to feel disappointed, and I am allowed to feel peaceful.

Navigating Immovable Relationships

For individuals who have loved ones who struggle with change (like an autistic parent who relies heavily on routine), compromise may not be possible. You cannot force them to understand your needs. Your job is to simply communicate your boundary clearly and kindly, and then "let them" process the information in their own way.

You don't need their approval or perfect comprehension to maintain your boundary. By letting go of the need to control their emotions, you free up massive emotional energy for yourself. That peace is the truest gift.

Your Next Step

What is one free gift, focused on one of the five Love Languages, that you can give to yourself or a loved one this week? Let's normalize giving time, service, or a kind word!